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All writing, opinions, links and articles on this blog represent solely the views of myself, Matthew Hintzen and has not been approved or reviewed by and DOES NOT necessarily reflect the opinions or views of my current, past or future employer, any affiliates, or subsidiaries, or parent companies or any employees or other associates.


What advise would you give to your 12 year old self?

That was the Facebook status I saw posted up by “The Trevor Project” a few weeks ago.  The Trevor Project (an extremely worthy charity and one that I regularly donate too, would love to see a chapter opened here in New Zealand), is all about making sure that Gay Youth feel and know there is hope and help for them in their quest to find out exactly who they are. As a person who was the recipient of bullying in my youth, I can appreciate their mission and their goals and support them whole-heartedly. They regularly post up on to Facebook simple questions that make us ask how can we help, because of course, if I could give my 12 year old self some advice from my old age of 51, perhaps the advice could help some other GLBTQ youth.  And as a strong believer in the concept of “Only the examined life is worth living” I often give these simple questions some deep thought.

However this simple question “What advise would you give to your 12 year old self?” threw me for a loop. I admittedly starting going thru all the possible scenarios, first and foremost was MANY variations on the “On <insert date here> you will want to <insert an action here>, instead you should <insert recommended response here>” style of advice. The problem here being that isn’t “Advice”, that’s trying to change history. This type of advice is all about regret, would-a , could-a, should-a. So the next type of advice I could give myself was “Know that you are worthy of loving and being loved”.  That is very good advice and I would wholeheartedly give it to any youth today, or myself of 39 years ago, but it would have not been much help for me back than because I “knew” it to be true, but I didn’t “feel” it to be true, and someone else telling me, even myself, would have made no difference.

The other things I would advice myself fall mostly under the category of “You have an addictive personality, moderate your drinking and drug usage, maybe don’t do any of it at all…”; yeah right, the thing is I WAS given that advice at 19, 22, and 23.  I didn’t take it than, I strongly doubt I would have taken that advice to heart at 12.  So once I have eliminated the “Change History” type of advice, the “you are worthy and worth love” advice, and the “dude, you’re an alcoholic / addict” what is left?

Actually a lot of good things are left for offering advice, but at 12 years old for me, they would have just sounded like supercilious and trite homilies; ”Father Knows Best” crap. and there in lies the rub.  The advice that could help me most, I would ignore or dismiss out of hand as being of no use.  It is easy for us, as we get older, to forget exactly what youth was like.  The funny thing is even the rewrite history advice, I would have ignored. I “know” me from back than, and I wouldn’t have listened.  Most of those re-write history things would have been about protecting my heart and specific relationship advice, but hormones, lust, infatuation, and most important Love would not have allowed me to change my actions. And I’m not sure that is a weakness or a blessing.

The simple truth is, there really is no advice I could give myself at 12 that would in the end make any difference, because it wasn’t really about me, it was about the culture and world I was growing up in.  So rather than offer “advice” to youth, I will instead strive to change the world they are growing up in to make a more accepting and healthy society and environment for them to be honestly themselves.  And most important, they are entitled to make their own mistakes, I’ll be there to love and support them thru those.

Posted on 04 Nov 13 09:39 |



Most Important Random Act of Kindness In My Life

I have encountered many acts of kindness in my life, but there is one act of kindness in particular that was truly random, and makes me sure to this day that Humans are generally "good"... Join me as I share a moment from early in my life. - Read More...
Posted on 02 May 13 15:59 |



I’m An Atheist That Believes In God…

Let me be very clear here. I'm a Strict Atheist; you might even say I'm religiously Atheistic. So what do I mean when I say I'm a Strict Atheist? It means pretty much what you would expect, I don't believe there is a Supernatural force or power watching over us... And yet I am a recoverying alcoholic that every day of my sobriety requires me to turn my will and my live over to God. How do I reconcile this central dicotomy in my life?.... - Read More...
Posted on 31 Mar 13 13:20 |



... Of Mice and Men

What happens when a geek meets a mouse. We have mice in our garage, and this is not an acceptable situation, and so I set out to find a trap to kill the invaders! Read on to see the final solution (for mice at least). - Read More...
Posted on 23 Mar 13 12:32 |



Saying Hello to Old Friends, Children’s Books I Love.

One of the nicest things about my usage of the Amazon Kindle to read books is getting a chance to easily reconnect with some of the books that were my best friends when I was a child. I think more adults should go back and read those books we loved as children. Amazon and the Kindle has made it easy for me to search for and mostly download easily a book I haven't read for 35 to 45 years or more. It's wonderful, because a good loved children’s book can help to rub off some of the calluses of cynicism that may have built up around your heart and your mind! Here are some of the books that I have revisited and remember why I love them. - Read More...
Posted on 06 Mar 13 14:17 |



Dark Matter And The Retrograde Movement of The Planets

You see, what your knowledge tells you, you are seeing. It's time to ask ourselves has General Relativity and Quantum Mechanics forced us into a "Geo-centric" view of the Universe, or is it time to admit that the reason we can't measure 90% of the matter of the universe is becuase there is no matter there to measure, look for a new "Helio-centric" approach to what we see. - Read More...
Posted on 25 Feb 13 10:34 |



Objective Subjectivism, What The Hell is That Supposed Mean?

I referred to myself in an earlier post as a Objective Subjectivist. What exactly does that mean? It is a philosophical framework that I have been working on since I was 14. It is my approach to life and living it. -- So What Is It? How does it dffer from Ayn Rand's Objectivism? And trust me it is NOTHING like Ayn's bullshit! Come take a look at how I believe we should strive to view the world and our place in it. - Read More...
Posted on 17 Feb 13 11:26 |



“We all know how ends, and it doesn't end well…”

My "Son" Xander (who is really a Dog) is facing a Medical situation. I don't have any real good options to address the condition, and now it is time to start realising that sooner, rather than later, the end of our companionship is approaching. - Read More...
Posted on 08 Feb 13 11:56 |



Was Alexander the Great Gay?

The Gay Geek's first blog entry on the subject of Human Sexuality and Being Gay. What do we mean when we use the Label "Gay"? Should we even be using Labels or should we just accept that Human orientation defies a PIT definition. This is an attempt to offer a spectrum of scales that can't be turned into labels for all peoples for all times, but rather an matrix of understanding. - Read More...
Posted on 28 Jan 13 15:17 |



Dogs, Dolphins, And Portal

Today's post is a mis-mash of subjects, My favorite subject; Dogs and thier relationship to Human, specifically Homo Sapian Evolution. Dolphins and the question of what is makes an entity a "person"? And finally an Homage to one of my all time favorite Games, Portal - Read More...
Posted on 24 Jan 13 09:33 |